i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
