Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
