Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize