The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
