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I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
