You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize