Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
