remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize