Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
