dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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