everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
