remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
