so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
