I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
lol hangovers are for mortals.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
