Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
