My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
