put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
