Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize