I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
