eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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