She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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