im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
