how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize