Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
