Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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