i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
