Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
