Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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