Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
