fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
