hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
