He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
