Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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