Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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