I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
