yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
