We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
