we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
