Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
