I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
