You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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