You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
