We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
