its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
