you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
