I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize