We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
