I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
