My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
