Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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