literally had 100 drinks last night.
4 words: hood of his car
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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