Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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