I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
