You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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