Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
