Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
