I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
