You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize