i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
