That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
