Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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