Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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