i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
