If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Someone came in the potted fern
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
