Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
