Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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