why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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