I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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