we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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