Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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