I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
