do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
