just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
