Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
