My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
