if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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