coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
