he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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