spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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