Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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