my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
