Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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