I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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